How to Deal with a Negative Nelly: Empower Yourself with 10 Uplifting Verses

Inside: Stop letting your Negative Nelly undermine your self-esteem and self-worth. Neutralize their poison and take back your emotional power with 10 Bible verses from God’s word. Plus, your best option for dealing with them.

Who is a Negative Nelly? A soul-sucking energy vampire. And you’re here because you suspect you have one in your life.

I spent the better part of a 10-year relationship fighting off constant negativity from the man to whom I’d chosen to hitch my wagon. So I know where you’re coming from.

If you’re not sure you have one, here’s a Negative Nelly definition to help you. A Negative Nelly is someone with a “sky is falling” Chicken Little mentality. Everything is a problem and they find problems with everything.

If the sun is shining and the sky is clear blue, all they can see is the one cloud way off on the horizon. If there’s been a drought and you’re getting much-needed rain at last, all they talk about is possible flooding.

These types of Negative Nellies are easy to ignore at best and annoying at worst. Especially if you can confine them to your work life or keep them on the edges of your social life.

But a much more destructive type of Negative Nelly is roaming around. And you need to know how to identify and neutralize them.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Instant Pep-Talk Pack. It has 8 Scripture cards to help boost your confidence and ramp up your courage when you’re dealing with a Negative Nelly.

Signs of a Negative Nelly in Your Life

The most destructive type of Negative Nelly is dangerous to your emotional well-being because they live in your house or play an important part in your life.

These Negative Nellies make it their job to grind your self-esteem under their boot, stomp on it for good measure, and then kick it all the way to the trash can.

A Negative Nelly can be deceptive because they usually come across as a super nice person. But the truth is, they’re borderline emotionally abusive.

They can be charming and smooth, claiming their constant criticism and negativity are because they want what’s best for you. On the surface, it seems like they mean it. But when you learn how to see the rest of the iceberg, you’ll learn the truth:

Their real goal is to control you.

Having survived a 10-year relationship with a beast of a Negative Nelly, I can say one thing with confidence: you don’t need a bunch of Negative Nelly books to help you identify your energy vampire. I’ve got you.

Just to be clear before we move on:

• Negative Nellie and Negative Nancy are all Negative Nelly synonyms, so use whichever one you want.
• If you’re looking to find out the Negative Nelly or Negative Nancy origin in our language, you’re in the wrong place. Because that’s not what we’re talking about today.

But if you want to know how to identify and deal with a Negative Nelly in your life, you’ve hit the jackpot.

How to Spot a Negative Nelly in Your Life

You know you have a Negative Nelly in your life when you come away from almost every encounter with them feeling discouraged, beaten down, or like you’re the worst person ever.

This is because they use their words as a weapon against you. You see, they relish pointing out every flaw they can find in you.

Every. Single. One.

No possible hint of a defect in your character slips by them. It doesn’t even have to be a real flaw; they assign meaning to every single thing you do. As long as they can pick something apart and make it seem real enough for you to believe they’re right, they’ve put you right where they want you—under their heel.

In fact, they can be so committed to how to make you a better woman through tough love that they come across as cruel and abusive. Even though they claim they’re ripping you apart out of love.

Interacting with these people leaves you feeling lost and adrift. In the face of their relentless and constant “helpful” criticism, you almost always end up feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore.

Two Options for Dealing with Your Negative Nelly

One way to deal with your Negative Nellie is to keep hoping:

• They’ll magically become the opposite of Negative Nelly.
• They’ll finally link your unhappiness to their constant criticism and stop.

But don’t hold your breath for these wishes to come true. A lifelong Negative Nelly isn’t likely to get a sudden revelation and change.

This is why the best solution is to get rid of your Negative Nelly.

Take it from the survivor of a long-term toxic relationship, your Negative Nelly means you no good. They’ll swear up and down to having the best of intentions but they’re lying—to you and to themselves.

This makes them more dangerous to you because they’ve convinced themselves they’re tearing you down for your own good.

The thing is, until they deal with what’s broken inside themselves, they’ll keep trying to destroy and rebuild you into whatever they want you to be. So get rid of them out of your life, if you can.

Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.

Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)

Still, if you can’t leech their poisonous presence from your life, you can at least counter it. The best way to do this is with the positive, uplifting word of God, which has the power to protect your heart and mind.

How to Deal with a Negative Nelly: 10 Bible Verses to Empower You

The worst kind of Negative Nelly keeps coming at you.

Every now and then, they’ll make it seem like they’ve given you a break. During these lulls, you may think they’ve gone through a radical life and personality transformation, and praise God if they have!

But in reality, they’re regrouping and waiting for the next opportunity to infect you with another dose of their poison.

This means now is the best time to prepare for their next assault. You can do this by renewing your mind with the word of God.

These 10 Bible verses will help you beat your Negative Nelly before they even start in on you. And you don’t even have to say a word to them.

You’re More than Your Negative Nellie Says You Are

My Negative Nellie of an ex poured on the negativity so thick that I started forgetting who I am in Christ and who I am to God. I almost believed who he claimed I was as he spewed a bunch of “shoulds” and “should nots” all over me.

As a result, I ended up feeling unworthy, like I was not good enough for him, and severely lacking in self-love.

Meanwhile, God had a whole other identity for me! The same one He has for you, in your own unique way.

1. You’re precious to God.

God was talking to Israel when He said this:

Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.

Isaiah 43:4 (NLT)

But it still applies. You see, He traded the priceless life of Jesus for you. This means you’re worth Jesus’ life.

Related: A Simple, Complete Guide for How to Know Who You Are in Christ

2. God knows the real you.

Whatever your Negative Nelly says, they can’t know you better than your Creator.

Now this is what the Lord says—the one who created you, Jacob, and the one who formed you, Israel—“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine.

Isaiah 43:1 (CSB)

If you’re struggling against their identity-stealing ways, go to God. He knows you better than you or your Negative Nelly ever will.

Better still, God loves you just as you are, flaws and all. And He’s not trying to tear you down to change you. He’s trying to love and draw you closer to Himself.

3. You’re not forgotten.

God is always thinking about you.

Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the child of her womb? Even if these forget, yet I will not forget you.

Isaiah 49:15 (CSB)

Better still, unlike your Negative Nelly, your Father’s thoughts towards you are never negative or destructive.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Instant Pep-Talk Pack. It has 8 Scripture cards to help boost your confidence and ramp up your courage when you’re dealing with a Negative Nelly.

4. God hears you.

When your Negative Nelly is coming at you, they don’t want to hear anything except you agreeing with whatever poison they’re spewing. But not God.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Psalm 40:1-2 (NLT)

5. You’re not alone.

Living and interacting all the time with a destructive Negative Nelly who tears you down can make you feel isolated. This is why you need to remind yourself that God is with you, always.

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT)

6. You’re loved forever.

As a child of God and a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, you have eternal, unconditional love from the best Lover in existence.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

Romans 8:38 (NLT)

You Have More than Your Negative Nancy Says You Do

By now, your Negative Nancy may have you convinced you’re nothing special. They may also have you convinced you have nothing without them.

But the Bible says they’re wrong. Like, super wrong.

7. You have a future.

Jesus is looking out for you. Not only for your today or next year. He’s looking out for your eternal future. Wow, right?

Everyone the Father gives me will come to me, and the one who comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. This is the will of him who sent me: that I should lose none of those he has given me but should raise them up on the last day.

John 6:37-39 (CSB)

Even though your Negative Nelly means you no emotional good, you can depend on Jesus for all eternity. What a relief!

8. You have a Protector.

You have the word of God protecting you from your Negative Nelly’s barbs. Plus, you have the Holy Spirit telling you God’s truth to counteract their lies.

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

Psalm 3:3 (NLT)

9. You have a Rescuer.

If you let Him, God is ready to save you from all kinds of situations. Including the one you’re in now with your Negative Nelly.

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior!  For each day he carries us in his arms. Our God is a God who saves!  The Sovereign Lord rescues us from death.

Psalm 68:19-20 (NLT)

This isn’t to say God is your personal genie. He’s unlikely to magic you out of your current mess.

But He’ll hold you up and guide you as you take the next step He shows you in obedience and with courage.

10. You have rest.

Dealing with the constant criticisms and attacks from a Negative Nelly can be exhausting. But Jesus has the answer to this problem.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)

If you allow Jesus to be the Lord of your life, you can stop carrying the burden of trying to please your critic-in-chief. Instead, you can live in peace and confidence.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Instant Pep-Talk Pack. It has 8 Scripture cards to help boost your confidence and ramp up your courage when you’re dealing with a Negative Nelly.

How to Respond to Your Negative Nelly

Of course, when your Negative Nelly fires their shots, you probably want to fire back. It’s natural and normal to want to defend your position and try to counteract their negativity.

But here’s the problem: Arguing with a Negative Nelly is usually pointless. This is because they usually insist on being right.

Since they’re relentless, this can leave you caught up in constant skirmishes or an all-out war. But who wants to live like that?

Instead, you can prepare your mental defenses ahead of time using God’s word.

Related: I Don’t Like My Husband: Feel New Peace in 4 Unexpected Ways

The 10 Bible verses you just read are a great start to counteract their poison with positivity:

1. You’re precious to God.
2. God knows the real you.
3. You’re not forgotten.
4. God hears you.
5. You’re not alone.
6. You’re loved forever.
7. You have a future.
8. You have a Protector.
9. You have a Rescuer.
10. You have rest.

Then when they launch their next assault, take these 2 steps.

1. Decide what to believe from what they say.

As an adult human, your Negative Nelly is free to say whatever they want to you. But you’re also free to decide if you want to believe what they say about you.

Remember, just because they say it like they believe it, doesn’t make it true.

If it doesn’t line up with what God says about you, you can choose to let it whiz right by you without hitting its mark.

2. Choose how you want to respond to them.

You may want to stop arguing with your Negative Nelly but feel like you need to keep trying to defend yourself.

Here’s the problem: They’re driven by a need to be right. More often than not, this makes them dig their heels in harder and prolong the interaction to agonizing lengths.

Instead of punishing yourself by engaging in their toxic control games, you can choose to take advice from the Bible.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 15:1 (NLT)

So when your Negative Nelly comes at you, you can simply and calmly say, “OK, thanks for your feedback. I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

Then go back to step 1 and decide if you want to believe or agree with them.

Your Action Checklist for Dealing with a Negative Nelly

The truth is, God doesn’t want you to spend your life feeling bad about yourself. This is why He gave you Jesus.

He knew you could never achieve perfection. So He provided the Perfect One as a sacrifice—to pay the price you can never pay for your imperfections.

This means you don’t have to waste your time and emotional energy feeling bad about all the faults your Negative Nelly thinks are intolerable and unforgivable.

You don’t have to keep being a victim of your soul-sucking energy vampire. Instead, you can:

My darling, God brought worlds into existence just so He could fellowship with you. With you.

I will walk among you; I will be your God, and you will be my people.

Leviticus 26:12 (NLT)

Sure, your Negative Nelly has a lot to say about all they think is wrong with you.

But God has way more to say about what’s right with you. And His word takes precedence over everyone else’s opinions. Now and forever.

Before you go, get your FREE printable download to help conquer your confusion—The Essential Guide to Finding Clarity.

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