A Simple Guide for What to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You

Inside: This simple plan for what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you will give you back your power and have you feeling at peace again.

I’d stayed away for as long as I could and it was the last thing I wanted to do. But I had to go home.

So I screwed up my courage, got in my car, and drove as slowly as I could without being a traffic hazard.

Still, the closer I got to home, the tighter the knot in my stomach clenched, the faster my breath came, and the heavier my heart pounded. I didn’t want to throw up in my car or pass out while driving. So I tried psyching myself up for what was ahead.

First, I used some of my favorite Christian tracks to remind myself it would all be fine because God loved me. When that didn’t work, I moved on to plan B—a pep talk.

“I can do this. I’ll make it through talking about this all night long if I need to. I don’t need to be scared.”

But I knew I was lying to myself.

My boyfriend was mad at me. I knew he was waiting to pounce as soon as I walked through the front door, and I wanted to avoid the arctic atmosphere I knew I was walking into. 

Unfortunately, back then I didn’t know what to do when my boyfriend was mad at me. So I braced myself for the familiar blow of feeling like a giant loser and the worst girlfriend in the world.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when it’s always your fault.

Facing How You Feel When He’s Mad at You

By the time I got in my car, I’d forgotten what had sparked the fight a few days before. Something insignificant, in my opinion. But he’d turned the molehill into a mountain and now my boyfriend’s anger was like a third person in our relationship.

What I did remember was how his first angry, scathing words sliced me to ribbons. I remembered how I struggled—and failed—to defend myself against them.

Related: A Letter to My Boyfriend about My Hurt Feelings: 7 Priceless Life Lessons

And I for sure remembered the sinking feeling the moment I realized my boyfriend was about to turn everything around on me again and make me the loser in the blame game he always played.

Even now, years later, I remember walking on eggshells for weeks whenever my boyfriend was mad at me.

I’d beat myself up for being an awful girlfriend, wallow in despair over never being good enough for him, and drag myself back to the drawing board to figure out how to be a better woman who deserved this man.

You know the tangle of terrible feelings when you’re boyfriend is mad at you, right? You’re wrestling with them right now.

You’re feeling unworthy of him and scared to lose the relationship. Plus, you’re stumbling through a fog of confusion about what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you so you can get back on his good side.

Great news! You can feel happy and at peace again, and the plan to get there isn’t complicated. Anyone can do it.

Even better, you can use it at any time and in any relationship, not only when your boyfriend is mad at you.

And the best part is, all you need is the willingness to be honest with yourself.

But First, Tell Yourself the Truth

Here’s the thing. If your relationship is anything like mine was, you may be conditioned to believe you’re the source of all its problems.

And maybe you are. But also, maybe you’re not.

Just because your boyfriend says you’re wrong doesn’t make it true. Forget what he’s told you, silence every other voice in your head, and pause your worry about what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you.

Then, even as cringey as it feels, go back over the disagreement you had with your boyfriend and be honest with yourself about what you think of it.

If you struggle with emotional laziness, you can use these questions to kick off your introspection:

• Am I in the wrong? If yes, how?
• Did I say or do something I’m ashamed of? If yes, what?
• Did I say or do something to violate our relationship or betray my boyfriend?
• Do I agree with his accusations or position on this issue? Why or why not?
• Do I truly believe he’s right or do I think he’s overreacting or being unfair?

These aren’t easy questions to answer. But you must answer them honestly if you want to decide what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you and find true peace again.

If it helps, you can write your answers as a conversation with God.

Then once you’ve gotten honest with yourself about the truth of the situation as you see it, it’s time to decide on what you want to do when your boyfriend is mad at you.

Let’s talk about your 2 options.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You: If You’re in the Wrong

After getting honest with yourself about how you see the situation, you’ll be faced with a decision: Am I in the wrong or not? You get to decide. Not your boyfriend, not your bestie, and not your mom. You.

If you believe you did something wrong, then—as a woman of integrity—your next step is clear. You’ll need to apologize if you hope to ever again look yourself in the eyes without shame.

So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

This is true even if you think you were right in what you said, but how you said it was wrong.

Listen, girl: You never have to apologize for where you believe you were right. But a confident woman is never scared to apologize for where she went wrong.

Owning up to a wrong doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Instead, it means you’re a woman who has the courage to face her failures, learn from them, and do what she can to make them right.

After You Apologize When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You

If you’re in the wrong, your next step after apologizing is to show your boyfriend that you’re genuinely sorry.

Don’t delay in making amends. The sooner the better because your gesture for making amends will mean more when the offense is fresh.

You can show you’re sorry in lots of ways. But your best bet when your boyfriend is mad at you and you want to show you’re sorry is to speak in his love language.

For example, if his love language is acts of service, then do something nice for him. If his love language is receiving gifts, then give him a small token.

A word of warning, though: Don’t assume your apology or your attempts to make things right will work. In fact, if your boyfriend is anything like my partner was, they may make things worse.

But this isn’t about pleasing him or getting him to thaw towards you. It’s about you making decisions and taking action like the confident, courageous woman you want to be.

When your boyfriend is mad at you and it’s your fault, how he receives your apology isn’t on you. It’s on him. His acceptance or rejection of it has nothing to do with you. It’s all about him and his thoughts.

So don’t make his actions mean anything about you. Stay in your lane and be the woman you want to be—one you can be proud of.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You: If You’re Not Wrong

Let’s say, after honest soul-searching, you decide you’re not wrong and your boyfriend is overreacting by staying mad at you. What should you do then?

Here’s a simple 3-step guide for what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you and he’s the one in the wrong.

1. Allow your boyfriend to be mad if he wants to be.

You need to recognize one crucial truth right out of the gate: You have no control over what happens in your boyfriend’s mind.

You can do everything in the world to show him where he’s wrong so he can accept responsibility, get over his mad, and let you get back to feeling good in your relationship.

But if he doesn’t want to face his fault, he won’t.

It’s no one else’s decision but his. And you’ll find your way back to happiness and peace faster if you ditch the impossibility of trying to make your man think and feel how you want him to.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when it’s always your fault.

2. Keep your peace when your boyfriend is mad at you.

Your next step for what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you and it’s not your fault is to stay at peace without giving away your power.

This can feel hard but remembering one thing makes it much easier: Healthy love doesn’t try to emotionally manipulate others.

So if your boyfriend wants to stay mad at you when he’s in the wrong, and he’s not willing to admit it, you don’t have to let his anger manipulate you into joining him on the feeling-like-garbage heap.

This may also help:

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

In all honesty, perfect peace is elusive at the best of times. Even more so when your man is mad at you and wants you to feel like you’re the one who’s wrong but you know you’re not.

But it isn’t impossible.

Peace simply takes intention on your part. Plus the willingness to let go of how you think your boyfriend should act and instead letting him be and do what he wants to.

3. Look to your future for what to do next.

The final step in deciding what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you and he’s the one in the wrong is to look to your future.

Close your eyes and imagine the woman you want to be—the version of you in your best future.

Related: A Simple, Complete Guide for How to Know Who You Are in Christ

Then ask yourself one question and be dead honest with your answer: Do I want to invest more of my one life and irreplaceable time in a relationship with a man who’s dead set on making me the bad guy for the sake of his ego?

Whatever your answer, you get to decide what to do with it.

For example, you can answer “no” without making it mean you have to break up with your boyfriend today. It can simply mean you now know what you want for yourself. Plus, you can be guided by this knowledge going forward.

On the other hand, if your answer is “yes” and you want to keep investing in your relationship, you don’t have to judge yourself for it. All you need to know is, your decision isn’t set in stone. You can always re-decide later if you want to.

The most important thing—for your peace, self-love, and mental health—is liking your reason for making the decision you choose.

How to Feel Good Again When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You

Back when I was afraid to go home because my partner was mad at me, I was a committed people-pleaser caught up in a toxic relationship. As a result, I always struggled with what to do when my boyfriend was mad at me.

I didn’t know I had a choice about what to think and how to feel. I thought I had to feel terrible about myself—whether or not I believed I was in the wrong. And I thought I had to grovel and beg my boyfriend to forgive me if I wanted to feel peace again…even when I knew I wasn’t wrong.

It took me years to do it, but thank God I ditched the emotional abuse of that relationship. I know better now, and so do you!

The truth is, all relationships consist of 2 imperfect humans who make mistakes and sometimes hurt each other.

When this happens—whether or not you’re the one in the wrong—your best bet is to choose your next step from a place of love…for your boyfriend but also for yourself.

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Galatians 5:14 (NLT)

So here’s what to do when your boyfriend is mad at you:

• Tell yourself the truth about whether or not you believe you’re wrong.
• If you think you’re in the wrong, apologize and make amends.
• If you think you’re not in the wrong, let your boyfriend stay mad if he wants to, keep your peace, and decide from your future what you want for yourself.

Use this strategy in any conflict and before you know it, you’ll feel good again.

Before you go, get your FREE printable download to help conquer your confusion—The Essential Guide to Finding Clarity.

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