Nothing I Do Is Good Enough for My Boyfriend: How to Reclaim Your Power

Inside: “Nothing I do is good enough for my boyfriend!” Here’s what you lose when you let him win. Plus 3 how to take back your emotional power and come out a winner every single time.

A feeling of satisfaction washed over me as you sank into the sofa and let my eyes drift close. The day was long and I was exhausted but I did it.

Everyone had left our place happy, still rubbing their bellies and licking their lips. My lips curved upward in satisfaction as their choruses of, “Thanks! We had a great time!” rang in my ears—a testament to my success.

But my happiness wasn’t because of their praises. Nor was it because I was an excellent hostess, or because the food, drinks, and activities I’d planned and provided were on point. And it wasn’t because I’d made it through the day without showing my annoyance about entertaining people I’d prefer to never set foot over the threshold of my front door.

My happiness is because my boyfriend couldn’t possibly find fault with my performance that day.

As I mentally reviewed every second of the day, I couldn’t spot a thing he could pick apart. So I let down my guard, allowed my muscles to loosen all the way, and drifted on a cloud of contentment.

But my quiet joy didn’t last long because I was dead wrong.

Nothing I did was ever good enough for my boyfriend. Not one blessed thing, even on a day without hiccups or hitches.

And he didn’t waste time in letting me know it.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when it’s always your fault.

My Boyfriend Is Never Happy with Anything I Do

Whether you’re dealing with a boyfriend or the problem is in your marriage, I know you’ve been there too—at the tail end of doing something for your man. Expecting the gratitude and praise you earned but somehow having to swallow his contempt or a tongue-lashing instead.

Perhaps your man has a strategy like mine did, which he unfolded in his typical fashion on the fateful day in question.

My boyfriend started as he always did—by lulling me into a sense of false security. He asked how I thought the day went and I, like an innocent lamb, started gushing about the accolades on everyone’s lips when they left. I was beyond eager for him to heap his words of praise on top of theirs.

But he didn’t. Instead, piece by piece and with cruel precision, he dismantled my entire day’s work.

As he broke down everything I apparently did wrong, every muscle in my body slowly tightened until I was stiff as a board. My smile of a few moments before may never have existed, and my satisfied exhaustion turned into defeat and soul-deep weariness.

Related: Your Negative Nelly: How to Defeat Them with 10 Uplifting Bible Verses

My voice was stuck in my throat so I let him speak uninterrupted. But the thought I never shared played on repeat in my mind: Nothing I do is good enough for this man. Nothing.

But First, the Priceless Prizes at Stake

I know what you’re battling, my darling, because I’ve fought the same war too. Exhausting yourself trying to make your partner happy. Constantly wondering why you’re not good enough for him, even as you pray you’ll finally earn his approval and love. Throwing yourself into pleasing him but always coming up short.

Here’s the thing, though. When nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend and you keep trying anyway, you’re playing a losing game. You just can’t win.

In fact, you straight-up lose, and the stakes are higher than you think. Because the 3 things you lose are precious and priceless.

1. You lose your peace when nothing you do is good enough for your partner.

If you’re anything like I was, a few minutes before your man unleashes his latest criticisms, you’re probably calm and peaceful. But once he starts in on you, your insides slowly tie themselves into knots and your stomach churns as you choke down his words, which usually go something like this:

Your peace evaporates as he rips apart your every action or inaction with unparalleled relentlessness. And you know you can kiss it goodbye because you won’t feel peace again any time soon.

2. You lose your self-worth when nothing you do is good enough for your man.

As he tears into you, his exasperation sends a clear message.

He’s cast you as a naughty child being berated by a disappointed parent. Or as an underperforming employee being reprimanded by the boss. You, a successful, grown woman!

But with every word out of his mouth, you shrink into yourself and a little more of your self-worth slips away.

3. You lose your self-confidence when nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend.

The truth is, you’ve been here so many times before, his belittling words no longer surprise you. Even so, each one is a direct hit to your confidence.

Do you want to know how my ex stole my confidence away from under my nose? By saying things like:

When your boyfriend feeds you on a steady diet of this type of criticism, eventually he conditions you to believe something is wrong with you. Worse when he’s a master manipulator who knows how to make his criticisms seem logical and reasonable.

Related: My Husband Turns Everything around on Me: 3 Unusual Tips to Restore Your Peace

Nothing I Do Is Good Enough for My Boyfriend: 3 Surprising Truths You Need to Know

Do you see now how when nothing you do is good enough for someone else—in this case, your boyfriend—and you keep playing their game, you’re handing over your most precious prizes?

This is how you find yourself buckling under the weight of his criticisms, struggling to hang on to your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence. Failing and miserable as the litany echoes in your head, “Nothing I do is good enough for my boyfriend!”

Chin up, my darling. I’m about to drop 3 life-giving truth bombs nobody told you about. These are crucial because they’ll change how you show up for battle when nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend. In fact, you can apply these truths to all of your relationships.

So let’s dive in. Then we’ll talk about the strategies to employ if you want to get your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence back.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when it’s always your fault.

1. You can’t make your boyfriend happy.

Your boyfriend’s been trying to shape you into the woman he thinks can make him happy. And you’ve been trying to give him what he wants by becoming this woman, even with how unworthy you’re feeling.

But both you and your boyfriend are dead wrong. As it turns out, no one on Earth can make him happy. It’s impossible and in the same way, no one on Earth can make you happy.

The reason is simple: You can’t create feelings in another person.

Do you know the saying about how true happiness comes from within you? It’s true. Your feelings of happiness come from your thoughts about the thing making you happy.

This is why it’s impossible for you to make your boyfriend feel happy about anything you do. It’s because his thoughts about what you’ve done—or haven’t done—are what cause him to be happy or unhappy. And you sure can’t control his thoughts. Why would you even want to?

So when nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend, it’s a glimpse into his thoughts, not feedback about your actions.

Girl, even if he point-blank tells you he’s unhappy because of you and you’re the source of his anger and discontent, don’t believe him! He may believe what he’s saying but it’s still a bunch of baloney. You’re not the culprit in the equation; the thoughts he’s choosing to think about you are.

2. You can’t earn your partner’s love.

You keep trying to please your boyfriend because you love him and want his unconditional love in return. But just as you can’t make your man happy, you also can’t create feelings of love in your boyfriend. His thoughts about you either create a feeling of love in him or not. This means he’s one hundred percent in charge of deciding whether or not he loves you.

So all the things you’re doing, trying to get him to love you enough to be happy with you? They won’t work. Not ever. Simply because you can’t earn his love.

Again, even if he straight-up says his ability to love you is limited by your actions, do not buy his baloney. He may not know it, but loving you is his decision and you can’t control it through your performance.

3. You get to decide if what you do is good enough.

Not to sound like a broken record but this point is critical and bears repeating a million times if necessary.

You can’t create feelings in your boyfriend. His thoughts about you and about your actions are what create his feelings for you.

Having said this, what if you just decide that all the things you’ve been doing to please him are already good enough?

You can! You’re one hundred percent the boss of deciding if your actions are good enough. You get to decide.

Your man’s lack of appreciation for your best efforts has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Because he gets to decide what he wants to think and feel about the things you do, just like you get to decide what you want to think and feel about the things he does.

So if you reflect and decide you did a darn good job—not because he or anyone else approves but just because you decided—then that’s the end of the story.

What to Do When Nothing You Do Is Ever Good Enough for Your Partner

Do you see how both you and your boyfriend have been mistaken, thinking nothing you do is good enough for him?

It’s up to you to decide if you’ve done your best and whether or not it’s good enough. And you don’t have to feel bad about whether he chooses to believe it too.

Now, the truths I’ve shared with you are critical. But once you know them, then what? How do you get back your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence when nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend?

1. When nothing you do is good enough for your boyfriend, shift your attention.

Here’s a huge part of why you suffer so much over nothing you do being good enough for your partner: You’ve shifted your gaze from where it should be.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)

Your first step, then, is to stop seeing your boyfriend as the one you’re serving and instead focus on serving Christ. When you do, you’ll keep doing your best while you keep a firm hold on your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence.

Because do you know who isn’t trying to rob you of those things? Who is, in fact, trying to build you up instead of tearing you down?

God.

2. When your boyfriend is never happy with anything you do, shift your approval.

Another huge part of why you’re suffering so much is because you’re looking for your boyfriend’s approval when you should be looking for God’s.

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

Galatians 1:10 (NLT)

Do you know who else’s approval you should be after? Yours. Do you approve of yourself and how you’re showing up in your relationship with him?

Related: Self-Love Bible Study: How to Love Yourself in Truth

When you stop looking for your boyfriend’s approval and instead look for God’s and your own, you’ll know you’re doing your best, no matter what your partner says.

3. When nothing you do is good enough for your partner, shift your motivation.

Right now, you’re motivated by your desperate desire for your boyfriend’s approval, acceptance, and love. But if you can’t make him feel those things, why bother being motivated by them?

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.

Proverbs 29:25 (MSG)

Instead, shift your motivation. Do your best for no other reason than because you want to and because you love him. Then practice feeling satisfied, whether or not your boyfriend thinks what you do is good enough for him.

Get Your Free Checklist for Winning When Nothing You Do Is Good Enough

When you build up your self-worth and self-confidence on purpose, you take back your emotional power from your boyfriend—or anyone else who’s stolen it.

One way to guard your prizes—your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence—is to know how to win when in the face of your man’s endless criticisms. Use this checklist to start now.

1. Get the free guide. You’ll get the printable guide and join my weekly newsletter. Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print the guide. Any type of paper will do.
3. Keep your guide where you can easily grab it when you need to come out of your boyfriend’s blame game as the grand slam champion.

Here’s a sneak peek of your free printable guide:

Your Action List for When You Think, “Nothing I Do Is Good Enough for My Boyfriend!”

Looking back, I know the gathering I hosted that day was more than good enough. It was flipping amazing! The food I’d slaved over was delicious, the drinks I’d prepared and bought were just what everyone wanted, and the games and activities were the most fun they’d had since the last time they’d come to my house.

But when the day was over and my ex laid into me with his cruel criticisms, I knuckled under as I always did. I handed over my peace, self-worth, and self-confidence to him without a fight. Honestly, after all of his emotional abuse, I came out of my relationship with him with my mental health barely intact. All because I didn’t know the truth you now do:

1. You can’t make your boyfriend happy.
2. You can’t earn your boyfriend’s love and approval.
3. You get to decide if what you do is good enough.

Even better, he doesn’t have to stop disapproving of everything you do in order for you to take back your peace, self-worth, and self-confidence. You’re the one in charge of those things and you never have to hand them over to him or anyone else, ever again.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Isaiah 26:3 (AMPC)

Before you go, get your FREE printable download to help conquer your confusion—The Essential Guide to Finding Clarity.

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