4 Uplifting Tips That Will Make You Feel Appreciated in Every Situation

Inside: No matter how much you do, you still find yourself feeling unappreciated in your relationship. These 4 uplifting power moves plus 3 Bible verses will make you feel valued instead, in any situation.

I smiled as I sank bonelessly into the sofa with a satisfied sigh. The day had been long and I was exhausted but I’d done it. He had to appreciate me now.

I’d been up since 3 am preparing Christmas dinner for the ten guests we’d invited. They’d come, devoured the feast I’d prepared, and basked in the holiday atmosphere I’d created all afternoon and long into the evening.

Every single one of them left my house with words of praise on their lips for the special day I’d given them. But it wasn’t their kudos that had me sighing in contentment and anticipating feeling appreciated that night.

It was the fact that my boyfriend would finally have to recognize my efforts and tell me what a great job I’d done. With everyone else singing my praises, he couldn’t possibly find fault with anything I’d done that day. Right?

Wrong.

The front door had barely closed behind the last departing guest when he started ripping apart/dissecting my every word and action for the entire day with surgical precision. The longer he spoke, the more my body tightened, until my satisfied exhaustion seeped away and bone-deep weariness weighed me down.

It turned out that all my work that day had been in vain. I was back at square one—feeling unappreciated in my relationship.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when you’re feeling unappreciated because everything is always your fault.

What Is Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship?

You, too, have probably gone all-out in your relationship to earn your man’s appreciation. But more often than not, you end up with nothing but his exasperated criticism and yet another failure under your belt.

You end up feeling not appreciated in your relationship or marriage.

Before we go further, let’s get on the same page about what that means.

According to Merriam-Webster, feeling unappreciated means you feel like you’re “not given deserved recognition or thanks.”

So—as I did on that Christmas Day—you knock yourself out doing your best, thinking you’ll earn praise or gratitude for your efforts. And when you don’t get the acknowledgment or approval you think you should, you feel disappointed and unfairly slighted.

Even more, with each successive attempt to earn his approval—over the holidays or on any other day of the year—your self-esteem takes another hit, your self-worth nosedives, and your feeling of underappreciation in your relationship grows like a toxic fungus in the dark.

What’s more, when you feel unappreciated in your relationship, you can also end up feeling unloved, rejected, and unhappy. You probably even feel low-key angry too.

The bottom line: unappreciated feelings can spiral and spell bad news for your emotional and mental health.

But Here’s the Real Reason You’re Feeling Unappreciated

As it turns out, even though I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that he was the cause, I didn’t feel unappreciated because of my boyfriend’s lack of praise. 

In the same way, although you think your man’s endless criticism is why you’re not feeling appreciated, it isn’t.

The surprising truth is that you’re feeling unappreciated in your relationship because of what you’re thinking about his lack of praise and recognition.

Here’s what’s happening in your head right now:

• He should see how much effort I put into this and say so!
• I didn’t have to do all this and he should at least tell me thanks in return.
• Why can’t he just—for once—acknowledge and appreciate me?
• All he does is criticize me. I deserve better than that for all that I’ve done.
• Why does he always have to make me feel unappreciated?

Do you see how disempowering those thoughts are? As if he gets to control your emotions?

Let’s say he didn’t criticize your efforts. Let’s say instead that he gave you a casual, passing thanks. Then you’d probably still feel underappreciated, like he didn’t fully acknowledge the amount of work you did.

Then your thoughts would go like this:

• I guess he thinks I should be happy with one little compliment in his sea of criticism.
• I can’t believe that after everything I did to pull this off, all he can give me is an offhand thanks!
• Gah! How frustrating that’s all he said. And if I call him on it, he’ll turn it back around on me.
• Why couldn’t he have said thanks last Christmas when I bent over backward to make it great for his family?

Related: My Husband Turns Everything around on Me: 3 Unusual Tips to Restore Your Peace

Do you see how your thoughts are the culprits making you feel unappreciated in your relationship?

This is excellent news because it means you’re in complete control of what happens next.

The bottom line: Your thinking is the bad guy making you feel unappreciated in your relationship.

What to Do When You Feel Unappreciated in Your Relationship

You’re here because you have a long history of not feeling properly appreciated in this relationship. So whether or not he occasionally tosses you a, “Thanks, hon,” you still end up feeling negative about the whole thing.

If he’d just change his behavior and give you the gratitude you deserve, you’d be happy and everything would be great, darn it!

But here’s the thing. He’s a grown man who’s fully in control of his thoughts, feelings, and actions. So he gets to decide exactly what he wants to do, whether that’s to praise you or not. And nothing you do will change that.

Sure, you can try manipulating him by pulling out all the stops to earn his approval or guilting him into praising you. But why would you want to? Forced praise feels almost as bad as no praise at all.

Enter, 4 power moves to uplift you and give you back the control you didn’t even know you gave away. They’ll help you stop feeling unappreciated in any situation.

But First, Know This

Two important points will influence how you handle feeling underappreciated in a relationship going forward.

1. You’re the boss of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

You’re just as fully in control of what you think, feel, and do as he is with his own thoughts, feelings, and actions.

This means you get to decide exactly how you want to feel and show up in your relationship, even when he doesn’t appreciate you the way you want.

2. You can change how you feel.

Since you’re the one creating the feeling of unappreciation you’re experiencing, you can decide to change how you feel.

This means you can start feeling appreciated whenever you want. Even if your partner never changes. Even right now.

Did you feel the zap of pure power in these 2 truths? Kinda like Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, and all 3 of Charlie’s Angels, all rolled into one.

So much better than being a victim of his lack of appreciation.

The bottom line: You can stop feeling unappreciated in your relationship, even if he does nothing different.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free printable download—The Blame Game Grand Slam Checklist. It gives you 6 unusual tips to win back your peace when you’re feeling unappreciated because everything is always your fault.

4 Tips to Make You Feel Appreciated, No Matter What

Now that you know why you feel so bad, how do you start feeling valued in a relationship instead of unappreciated? And how do you do it without needing your man to change?

Here’s the secret, in 4 uplifting power moves.

1. Change your story about what’s happening.

As involuntary as they feel, you’re choosing to think thoughts that make you feel unappreciated in your relationship.

Instead of sticking with this strategy that leaves you with nothing but a broken heart, intentionally choose thoughts that make you feel love and appreciation instead.

Start by cutting out those “he should” and “he shouldn’t” rules running through your head. They’re the ones causing most of your pain over your man’s lack of appreciation.

The truth is, your partner doesn’t have to do anything. So tormenting yourself with all those shoulds only hurts you. It may even put your relationship into an unnecessary crisis.

Instead, tell yourself a different story, like this:

Then let yourself feel sad and disappointed that he didn’t acknowledge your effort.

Or try on this better-feeling thought:

Then let yourself feel pride and contentment from a job well done.

Or even this thought:

Then let yourself feel happy for bringing joy to others.

2. Remind yourself of who you are.

When you’re fighting through the storm of feeling unappreciated, your gaze can get stuck in a horizontal position. This is when it’s most important to look up.

Remind yourself on purpose who you are to God, what he says about you, and His feelings towards you. It’ll make you feel appreciated and valued every time.

3. Feed yourself what you crave.

You can keep looking to your partner to make you feel appreciated. But what are you doing to appreciate and love yourself?

You’re the one in control when you give yourself what you want—appreciation—instead of waiting in vain for someone else to give it to you. Then, if you do end up getting it from him, it’s a nice-to-have instead of a need.

In effect, you transform his words of appreciation from meat and potatoes into gravy.

But how do you go about appreciating yourself when you’re used to getting it from others?

Start by brainstorming a list of different ways you want your man to show appreciation. For example:

• Say thank you.
• Pat me on the back, figuratively or literally.
• Do something nice for me, like giving me a back rub.
• Give me a small gift, like a bouquet or a manicure at my favorite nail place.
• Take me out to lunch.
• Be quiet and let me go on about how I made this great thing happen, without putting down my efforts.

Once you’ve made your appreciation list, pick one thing and do it for yourself.

For example, write yourself a one-page appreciation letter about what a great job you did, why you’re so amazing for pulling it off, and how it was the best Christmas dinner in the history of every Christmas dinner ever.

Write it from a place of feeling appreciation and love for yourself. Then tuck your letter of appreciation into an envelope, take it to the post office, and drop it in the mail.

When it lands in your mailbox a few days from now, rip it open and feel appreciated, loved, and valued all over again as you read it.

4. Do it because you want to.

If your motivation for the things you do in your relationship is your man’s positive feedback, you’re setting yourself up to feel unappreciated in your relationship. Because when he doesn’t give you the approval you’re after, you’re sure to feel terrible.

Instead, change your motivation and do everything only if and because you want to.

Not because you think you should. Not because you think you have to. And definitely not because you want him to finally acknowledge how much you do in your relationship.

When you do it just because you want to, you go in with no expectation of praise from him or anyone else. This leaves you free to fully enjoy what you’re doing, even if he never shows appreciation for you.

The bottom line: These 4 power moves will give you back the control you gave away and make you feel appreciated, no matter what.

How To Tell Your Boyfriend You Feel Unappreciated

Honesty in a relationship is always best, no matter how negative your emotions in a particular moment. So it’s natural that you want to know how to tell someone you feel unappreciated when you think you deserve their words of praise. 

But before you sit your man down and unleash your hurt over feeling underappreciated in your relationship, you have some inside work to do.

1. Clean up your feelings.

First, you need to remind yourself of the power moves to stop feeling unappreciated:

1. Change your story about what’s happening.
2. Remember that the Creator of the entire universe appreciates and values you.
3. Feed yourself the feelings of appreciation you’re craving.
4. Do it because you want to, not for his praise or approval.

When you do your inner work first, you may still feel disappointed or hurt by your man’s lack of recognition. But you won’t layer unproductive anger on top of it.

Also, get super clear about why you want to talk to your partner about feeling unappreciated.

Do you want him to apologize and acknowledge all that you do? Or is your goal to maintain a healthy, open relationship? The first amounts to manipulation to get your own way, while the second puts you in a position to feel more connected to him.

2. Toss out the shoulds…again.

Before talking to your man, check your shoulds at the door. This time, toss out your expectations about how he should receive and respond to your feedback.

Whether he accepts what you say or not isn’t up to you, and you can’t control that by any argument you make.

Remember how your thoughts are driving your feelings of unappreciation in your relationship? Well, his thoughts will create his feelings and reactions in the conversation.

So be ready to speak your truth and let him be him.

3. Come in love, not war.

Once you’ve cleaned up your feelings and tossed out the shoulds again, you may no longer be feeling unappreciated.

Even so, you may still want to talk to your partner about feeling unappreciated. You’re only ready to make that conversation productive when you’ve done those first two steps.

Once you’re ready to talk, approach him from a place of love—for yourself and for him. This is critical when you’re sharing your feelings of not being appreciated with your partner.

Otherwise, you’ll come at him from a manipulative, defensive, or attacking position. In this case, you may as well declare war in your relationship, which is counterproductive. It won’t end well and you’ll end up feeling worse than when you started.

The bottom line: Do your inner work before talking to your man about feeling unappreciated in your relationship. You’ll set yourself up to walk away from the conversation feeling empowered and appreciated.

What God Says about Feeling Unappreciated

The Bible covers just about every situation you’ll encounter in your life. So don’t be surprised that God has something to say when you feel like you’re not valued in your relationship.

Remember, Jesus knows firsthand what it feels like to be unappreciated.

He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.

John 1:11 (NLT)

Jesus understands exactly what you’re going through because He was exactly where you are right now. So use your Bible to help you clean up your feelings of unappreciation.

Below are 3 scriptures for when you’re struggling with feelings of unappreciation in your relationship. To get the most out of them:

• Re-read them when you need a reminder of God’s word about your value and your hard work.
• Read them in different translations to deepen your understanding of them.
• Re-write them in your own words so you squeeze all the juicy meaning from God’s word

3 Bible Verses When You’re Feeling Unappreciated

And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:17 (AMPC)

Stop being motivated by your craving for your man’s praise and approval. Instead, do whatever you choose as a way to glorify God. Yes, even hosting Christmas dinner can be an act of praise and thanksgiving to God.

And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 (AMPC)

You’re looking for your partner to fill the hole of approval in your heart. But that hole is God-sized and God-shaped. Your man will never fill it, and neither will anyone else. Let Jesus fill it instead.

The Lord recompense you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under Whose wings you have come to take refuge!

Ruth 2:12 (AMPC)

Your man’s appreciation is nice and all. But what God can give you isn’t even in the same ballpark. So look for your reward from God instead of chasing your partner’s thanks.

Get Your Free Printable Checklist to Feel Appreciated

When you feel appreciated and valued all day every day, you put yourself in charge of your feelings and keep your emotional power.

One way to get the feelings of love and appreciation you want is to learn how to win when everything is always your fault. Use this checklist as a guide to to do just that.

1. Get the free guide. You’ll get the printable guide and join my weekly newsletter. Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print the guide. Any type of paper will do.
3. Keep your guide where you can easily grab it when you need to come out of his blame game as the grand slam champion.

Here’s a sneak peek of your free printable guide:

Your Action List for Feeling Appreciated, No Matter What

You can keep trying to justify your feelings of unappreciation by looking for a checklist of signs you are not valued in your relationship. You may even look for ‘feeling unappreciated in a relationship’ quotes. But they won’t make you feel better in the long run.

Instead, do what the Bible says:

Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.

Colossians 3:10 (NLT)

This means you need to start your work on the inside—in your own mind and heart. Only then will you forever change your results on the outside.

1. Change your thoughts about what’s happening—tell yourself a new, more supportive story.
2. Remind yourself of who you are to God—it will make you feel appreciated every time.
3. Feed yourself what you’re craving—give yourself the appreciation you want from your partner.
4. Do all things because you want to—not because you want him to appreciate or approve of you.

This inside-out approach will help you feel empowered and in control of your emotions and your life. Then the next time you go all out for Christmas—or any other holiday or event—you’ll keep your feelings of contentment and satisfaction as you sink into your sofa at the end of the day.

Not because he or anyone else gives you the feeling of appreciation that you so richly deserve. But because you’ve given it to yourself.

And that’s the best feeling of appreciation of all.

Before you go, get your FREE printable download to help conquer your confusion—The Essential Guide to Finding Clarity.

Did you love it? Please share it!