Am I a Bad Person? 5 Uplifting Steps to Feel Better Right Now

Inside: When someone has you doubting yourself and wondering, “God, am I a bad person?” use these 5 proven steps to make things right and feel better about yourself.

By the time we’d been together for a few years, he had me convinced I was a bad person. Terrible, in fact. At one point, his opinion even sent me to therapy.

Once, near the end of us, he went so far as to call me a sociopath.

The first time he said it, he kept hammering me with the word for hours, and I cringed every time. My shaky self-confidence couldn’t hold up against the “proof” he hurled at me for his claim.

His arguments seemed solid. Plus, I didn’t have the skill or self-knowledge I needed to battle him back. This is how he eventually wore me down and, to my eternal shame, how I ended up agreeing with him.

But even with this win, he didn’t stop there. Feeling superior, he spent the next few days sighing, shaking his head, and heaping his contempt, pity, and disgust on me.

Meanwhile, in my hurting, confused state, all I could think was, “God, am I really such a bad person?”

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How Can I Tell If I Am a Bad Person?

And now, someone—maybe someone you’re in a toxic relationship with, like I was—has you doubting yourself and wondering the same thing: Am I a bad person? They’re spewing their poison at you, threatening your mental health, and making you feel like you’re not good enough for them.

And now you’re questioning everything you’ve ever known about yourself.

Maybe, as my ex did over those unforgettable, torturous days, they’ve bombarded you with slick “evidence” and “logic” you can’t argue with. Every word they speak paints you in an ever-worsening light. And now you’re scared and worried they’re right and everything you’ve ever known about yourself is wrong.

What will you be left with then? Who will you be if you’re not the good person you always thought you were?

They may even already have you straight-up convinced of your badness. So now your prayers reek of desperation as you pray, “Oh, God, why am I such a bad person? And how can I become a better woman?”

And now you’re combing the internet for “why am I a bad person” personality quizzes to help you figure out what’s wrong with you. Or maybe even to rank just how bad you really are.

So Are They Right? Am I a Bad Person?

The short answer? Yes, you’re a bad person. Not only because everyone makes mistakes, but because the Bible says so.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
Romans 3:23 (NLT)

And don’t forget this one.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT)

Even Jesus said it.

“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked him. “Only God is truly good.”
Luke 18:19 (NLT)

These aren’t simply great Christian soundbites for you to shout, “Amen!” to when the pastor lobs them at you from the pulpit. These are God’s words of truth about every human being who’s ever lived and who will ever live.

So you can relax. The only perfect being in existence is God. And He already knows you’re not a good person.

Am I Really That Bad? The Good News You Need to Know

Because you’re human, you’re bad. But you need to know an even more important truth: Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection have transformed you into a good person.

When Jesus died on the cross, He shed His blood to wash you clean of the muck and filth of all your sins. And when you confess Him as Lord and become born again, His one act of sacrificial love makes it so you’re presented clean and righteous before God.

Then, in God’s eyes—which see you through the lens of Jesus’ sacrifice—you become pure as the driven snow.

If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].
1 John 1:9 (AMPC)

Wow! Would you look at all God does to make you good? How wonderful!

Even better, not a drop of your newfound goodness is because of who you are or what you do. If it was, you’d still be stuck right where Jesus found you—wallowing in the filth of your sinful nature.

Instead, your goodness is 100% because of who Jesus is and what He’s done.

Plus, when you fail at being a good person, you get to try again, and again, and again…to eternity.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
Lamentations 3:22-23 (NLT)

Do you see? You don’t have to strive to be good—Jesus already did all the work for you. And when you mess up, you get an infinite number of do-overs.

Whew! What a relief.

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But First, Here’s What’s Really Going On

“Kris,” you say, “What you say sounds great. But I feel like a bad person.”

This is probably because you’ve let yourself be brainwashed into believing the lies your accuser has been feeding you.

So let’s dig into this a little more and help you find freedom from their poisonous garbage.

The Good Person Manual You Don’t Know About

Here’s the thing. The one who has you convinced you’re a bad person has a good-person behavior manual for you. It’s a set of beliefs about how they think you should behave.

They don’t know they have this manual because it’s subconscious. So don’t judge them too harshly. In fact, you also have a manual for them and for everybody else in your life, just like they do.

Their manual for you includes beliefs like:

She shouldn’t behave this way.
She should do these things for me.
A good person doesn’t do stuff like this.
Only a bad person acts like this.

They hold you up against this manual, which you never agreed to, by the way. Then they judge you as a bad person because you don’t fit their manual for good and bad.

Meanwhile, in someone else’s manual, you could be the best person ever.

So really, you being a bad person isn’t what’s really at issue. The real issue is this person’s definition of good and bad, some parts of which you may or may not want to adopt.

But great news! You get to decide what you want to keep or throw out from their manual. Because, as a responsible, grown woman, it’s one hundred percent your choice.

And despite what they’ve led you to believe, the world won’t come to an end if you choose to reject some or all of their Good Person Manual.

The Hidden Agenda You Don’t Know About

And another thing. The one who has you convinced you’re a bad person has a hidden agenda.

Despite what they would have you think, it’s not likely they’re trying to help you stop being a bad person and improve yourself out of the goodness of their heart. They’re not telling you this stuff because they care about you.

They have 2 possible hidden motives—which they may not be aware of or be willing to admit—behind their hidden agenda.

1. They’re on an ego trip.

Someone with hidden self-worth and self-esteem issues often make themselves feel bigger by making you feel smaller. While planting doubt in your mind to make you wonder, “Am I a bad person?”, they’re also brainwashing you to believe they’re better than you.

This is how, in their manual of good and evil, they end up as good and you end up as evil.

2. They’re trying to control you.

When they accuse you of being a bad person, you end up feeling so awful about yourself that you become their puppet.

It may get so they don’t even need to say a word. They can control your emotions and your actions with a simple look or gesture.

But here’s the good news: While they’re free to think, feel, and act any way they want, so are you!

And you can choose to see through their smokescreen, sniff out their lies, and decide for yourself if what they say has truth in it or if it’s a bunch of baloney.

No matter what their slick “evidence” and “logic” say.

What to Do If You Think You’re a Bad Person

Of course, you may have done horrible things in the past, things that hurt someone. And now whenever you think about them, you end up asking yourself, “Why am I such a bad person??” on repeat.

Hear me well: You have everything to lose and nothing to gain from beating yourself up about it now.

Process it, grieve about it, do what you can to make it right, then leave it in the past.

So here are the 5 steps you need to take when you want to stop believing you’re a bad person.

1. Confess Your Wrong to God

The first thing you need to do when you’re convinced you’re a bad person because of something you’ve done is to confess it to God.

As cringy and painful as it is, be honest with yourself about what you did and why. Then tell God the whole story and repent of it.

When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Psalm 32:3, 5 (NLT)

2. Seek Forgiveness

Your next step to walk away from the condemnation of, “Why am I such a bad person?” is to ask God to forgive you.

For you, Lord, are kind and ready to forgive, abounding in faithful love to all who call on you.
Psalm 86:5 (CSB)

God loves you despite your sins, and He wants to forgive you. And all you have to do is ask.

3. Confess to the One You Wronged

In your quest to stop feeling like a bad person when you’ve done wrong, your next step is to confess to the person you wronged, if it’s possible.

Then apologize for what you did and ask them to forgive you. This is as much for you as it is for them.

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.
James 5:16 (MSG)

One thing to remember as you approach them: They get to decide if they want to forgive you or not. And it says nothing about who you are if they choose to hang onto their feelings of hurt and offense.

Leave them to walk their own path. You stay focused on who you want to be—a confident Christian woman who can admit when she’s wrong without believing she’s a bad person.

4. Make Things Right

The person you’ve wronged may or may not forgive you. Whatever their decision, try to make amends for what you’ve done.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)

It may not be possible for you to make amends or they may not accept your gesture. Either way, remember: This doesn’t say anything about who you are.

And one more thing. You’re not beholden to keep after them for all eternity, trying to get them to accept your gesture. In all sincerity, do what you can to make things right, then move on.

5. Forgive Yourself

This brings us to the final step as you seek to free yourself from, “Am I a bad person?” jail: Stop judging yourself for being a bad person.

For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
Ephesians 5:8-9 (NLT)

The truth is, back when you did what you did, you thought it was a good idea. And wallowing in regret and self-pity isn’t going to fix anything. So why indulge in them? Plus, you can’t change what’s already happened and you’ve now done what you can to make up for it.

Would you make the same decisions again? Maybe not. But now you can give yourself the gifts of grace and forgiveness. Now, you get to make brand-new decisions and be a whole new person.

Am I a Bad Person? Your Next Steps to Feel Good Again

My accusing ex almost had me convinced I was the worst woman to ever walk the face of the Earth. After he labeled me a sociopath and heaped his disgust on me, can you blame me?

This is why I don’t have enough words to express how grateful I was—and still am—when God rescued me from him.

But unlike me back then, you now know the truth. You’re human and therefore imperfect, which means you’re not so great sometimes. But Jesus already did the work of making you right before God.

And because you now know the truth, you can dismiss anyone who tries to tell you different.

Now, you get to mature and build up your faith in Jesus.

So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
2 Peter 1:5-9 (MSG)

Then no one will be able to shake your confidence and make you wonder, “Am I a bad person?” Instead, when they come at you with their accusations, you can smile and say:

You’re right, I’d be a bad person with no shadow of good in me…except for God’s grace and mercy!

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